Prayer as Presence

I continue on in the journey of dedicating myself to a rhythm of prayer several times a day.  The going is slow, but I write today with the joy of having had time for both morning and afternoon prayer.  This after noon it has been just a few minutes to sing the Psalms, reflect, and try to hear God.  As I did so, I remembered an important call I need to make to check in with a young woman I have been praying with and for. Without this time, she would not have been on my mind.  I am grateful that God is able and willing to do so much with even the small snippets of time I give Him.  I pray these times of prayer will grow. Such prayer helps me to be fully present to life, to those around me.

Rededication to the Discipline of Prayer

This morning I prepare to return home to the usual round of activities and hustle.  I have newly dedicated myself to the discipline of prayer and writing and pray that I will stay obedient to this rededication.  It is the only way I can see that I can be the kind of person, the kind of mother, the kind of teacher, colleague, and everyday community member I would like to be.  And what I would like to be is consistently rooted in peace, in joy, in the life-giving source of the Hoy Spirit.  But without constant recourse to prayer, without relentlessly prioritizing prayer and documenting the ups and downs of this life of "ora et labora"--as the Benedictines would say--I see no way to have this peace, joy, or life consistently.

For the first time this morning I not only prayed the Liturgy of the Hours by following the online readings at DivineOffice.org, I also listened to the full podcast.  This is the closest I can come to the hours of prayer at the monastery.  I anticipate I will do more of this, especially with Day Prayer which occurs in the middle of the day.  That podcast is only about 10 minutes long and so very doable even in the midst of a busy day.  I look forward to putting this into practice tomorrow in the midst of one of my busiest teaching days.  I am grateful for the many resources for prayer and reflection.  For now, I pray safe travel home to my husband and little ones. Amen.

On Rest at an Academic "Monastery"

Much has transpired since my last post.  The semester started last Monday and I met a new group of students.  The week started and ended well and I am looking forward to getting to know this new group.  There are also some who have been in my classes before, and that is always a treat to have another chance to interact with them.

Then, toward the end of the week I left for Princeton to go to an academic workshop at the Institute for Advanced Study. I write now from that location. I had the privilege and joy of being a member here for the 2011-2012 academic year.  It has been so nice to be back for a few days.  The Institute is, for me, the academic equivalent of a monastery.  The place is devoted to reading, study, silence--both literal, and of the heart.  During their time here, members are freed from running to and fro to meetings, classes, and other activities.  They focus inward on thinking, reading, and putting the insights that come from these activities into their writing.  It is also a place for reflective conversation with others.  During my few days here, I have had wonderful conversations as well as time for reflection and silence.  This is a perfect combination of activities for a monastically-inclined academic.

This less pressured pace has made it easier to come back to prayer and writing.  Of course, my challenge is to make this time even when I'm not in such a peaceful place.  To pray and write even when I'm under the pressure of preparing for classes, organizing the house, and running after my energetic daughters.  It amazes me how quickly the time goes by between times of prayer and reflection when I'm immersed in the swirl of everyday living.  But the start of the semester is always a whirlwind.  As I settle into the new rhythm of the semester once I return, Lord, please help me to endure and mature in the discipline and blessing of prayer and reflective writing. Amen.

On Joy in Chaos

The title of this post is misleading as it suggests that I have some great insight into and experience with finding joy in the chaos of my life.  Far from it!  Too often I am stressed, tired, cranky, and frustrated by the fact that there’s a seemingly never-ending list of things that haven’t yet been done.

But tonight two things stood out to me during my evening prayer just before sleeping that offer me a glimmer of hope about how I might be able to discern and even experience joy in chaos.  The first was a brief line from tonight’s intercessory prayer in my guide for the Liturgy of the Hours.  For tonight, Thursday evening between January 2^nd and Epiphany, this prayer read: “You gave Mary the joy of motherhood—give all parents true joy in their children.”  This caused me to pause and reflect on my little ones.  Too often I am impatient.  Too often I am in a hurry to have them do one thing or another they are slow to do because they are too involved in their own games, following their own agenda.  Too little do I stop to bask in the beauty and joy of having them and loving them.  The stresses and cares of everyday can so easily bury this joy.  I pray your help, Lord, to uncover and take pleasure in this joy.

The second thing that provided a glimmer of hope was a quote from a commentary on the Rule of Benedict I read tonight.  It is a quote from St. Catherine of Siena: "All the way to Heaven *IS* Heaven, because He
said: 'I am the Way.' "  What came to mind for me here was the joy I take in taking time to pray the Liturgy of the Hours (LOH).  These times carry me temporarily to the wonderful times of prayer and peace I’ve had on monastic retreats.  But also, especially while singing the Psalms, I imagine myself part of a large choir in heaven praising God using the words of the Church that have been prayed and sung for centuries.  In this way, the LOH and the time of reflection and peace I have while praying and singing it, is truly an experience of the blessings and peace of Heaven—however dim this is on earth.  With these reflections, I go with hope into sleep.

At the Beginning of a New Year

It is the beginning of a new year and, I hope, the beginning of a regular discipline of reflecting on and writing down what monastic life means for me here, immersed as I am in home, family, and work.  Today as I prepared to get back to all the teaching, writing, and service commitments I had, it felt like all the pressure of a ton of bricks was about to fall on me.  So many details!  So much to do.  Even though it is all wonderful work, there is just so much.  The time I took apart to seek quiet, pray and write this brief post has been truly a blessing.  How, I ask God and myself, do I get more of this?  The best I can tell is that it will take a commitment, a discipline to relentlessly prioritize prayer, reflection, and writing.  It has become clear to me that the time will not magically appear somehow.  Even to do this I had to force myself to put aside something to take just 15 minutes to pray and write.  It is just amazing to me that I begrudge God and myself a simple 15 minutes a couple times a day.  Please help me Lord to do this.  I increasingly feel that I cannot live fully or well without making this commitment.