Taking Up the Cross

I have been keeping my commitment to at least 15 minutes of prayer during the day.  I use the Psalter, sing the Psalms, read the day time scripture and then read the day's selection from the book Bread and Wine:Readings for Lent and Easter.  Today the reading was by Thomas a Kempis. The focus was on taking up the cross and embracing suffering rather than trying to avoid it.  Not light reading!  Before I got to the Kempis reading there was a very interesting epigraph by Sadhu Sundar Singh: "If we do not bear the cross of the Master, we will have to bear the cross of the world,with all its earthly goods.  Which cross have you taken up?  Pause and consider."  This reflection alone is a powerful one.  In my life I consider the "cross" of ambition and commitment to overwork.  This is certainly part of the world's cross and I have carried it for a long time.  Kempis makes the point, however, that when we take up the cross of Christ this brings us closer to God and pleases him.  What does this look like?  The way Kempis explains it, taking of the cross of suffering can involve just about anything from physical suffering to unrest or pain in the spirit.  Whatever it is, he emphasizes that we will suffer.  If we do so in bitterness, so much the worse for us.  He confronts us with the challenge that while many of us want to share the joys of Christ, few really want to embrace his sufferings.  While we like the miracles, we don't want to share his experience of pain and exile.  Certainly this is true for me.  But I had never thought of things the way Kempis does when he says that we will suffer anyway, how much better to learn humility through suffering and to draw closer to God than to be eaten up by bitterness.  He notes that no matter how much we organize our lives according to our likely, something will cause suffering.  I am certainly the kind of person who works very hard to have things arranged as I would like them in every part of my life.  I have, you might say, "control issues".  When things don;t go the way I've planned or the way I want them to, I am very upset.  This occurred just today and I'm sorry to say that my response was less than graceful.  My thinking has always been that I should be able to make things the way I want them to be.  The reading today and this whole season of reflection during Lent give me a really precious opportunity to reconsider, to turn away from this way of thinking and living, and to turn toward a way that helps me to grow closer to God and of greater use for his kingdom..